Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
