my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
