90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
