the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
