college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
