Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
