make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
