fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
