Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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