rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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