It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
