So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
