I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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