So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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