Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
