boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
