You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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