That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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