There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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