It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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