He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
