I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
