sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
