i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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