maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
