How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Come on in and take your pants off
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