nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
