youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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