Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
