I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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