If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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