I could make wine with my vomit
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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