How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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