hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
