i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i think i just lost a toe
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I did not marry a roomba.
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