Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
