he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My ass is underappreciated
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
