Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
