I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize