this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
