Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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