my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
