I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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