Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
