I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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