that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
