we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
