Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
