I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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