He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this boner is exhausting
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
