After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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