Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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