When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize