Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
