I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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