she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
be right there i have to get my cape
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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