for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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