The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
