don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize