I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ketchup is God's man juice
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
