five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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