to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
