dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
