Plan B is the new Plan A
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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