the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my shit smells like andre
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
