I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
