i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
only if we run a train.
done.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
