you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
