help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
