just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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