1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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