this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
