The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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