My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
