saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
