guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
