Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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