I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
