Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
